the Fault in Our Stars

While reading a fault in our stars I found myself at the verge of tears several times, and having only the last chapter left to read, I felt it would only be right I blog now, without knowing the ending, because Hazel never got her ending to an imperial affliction. This book touched me so much for one reason because it was just written beautifully and conveyed Hazel and Augustus's story so well, but also because it had a very advanced view on the endings of life, and showed a perspective very sophisticated on a subject which is usually cushioned and safetied. Hazel has a rough life, fighting many fights of cancer, but she still says that the pain of losing Gus defeated all other pains. This book showed a girl who truly loved, who truly cared, and who stuck with Augustus until the very last day. Her strength through Gus was unbelievable, and I aspire everyday to be more and more like her. There was so much to learn from her, and I love this book.

While reading, it got me thinking about how close death is, and what heaven actually could become for us. Some of my favorite quotes on the topic, and the comic relief this book provides through the dynamic characters are below:

Do you believe in heaven?
"Yes, absolutely. bit like heaven where you ride unicorns, play harps, and live in a mansion made of clouds. But yes. I believe in Something with a capital S. always have.

"'the risen sun too bright in her losing eyes.' That's God, I think, the riding sun, and the light is too bright and her eyes are losing but they aren't lost."

"If you don't live a life in service of a greater good, you've gotta at least due a death in service of a greater good."

I don't know what I fully believe yet, but like Augustus, I definitely believe in Something. Capital S.

Bunheads by Sophie Flack

The past few chapters have all showed me that when you really care for someone, you can wait through rough patches to convey your affection to them.  Hannah has a huge career that she's already living with insane hours and push to consistently improve.  Although it's good for her, she has no time for Jacob. He however, has stuck through it all, and is really pushing to get to know her, and be a part of her life even though she has very little time for him.

The most recent chapter showed me that all his care and waiting paid off, but he's now acting as sort of the "Woman as Temptress," even though he is a man.  Because of Hannah's care directed back at him, she has been canceling yoga and pilates classes, and slacking off on all of her workouts.  Hannah is losing solo opportunities  and what meant most to her in the world, her career, is being lost because of the care she has for this boy.

This book is showing me that when you love someone, show it, but love can also develop a negative affect on what you have, and usually, it's worth it.

Bunheads by Sophie Flack

This week, while reading Bunheads by Sophie Flack, I noticed how opinions of those around us can change our decisions and mindsets by a lot, no matter how hard we try to block out their input.

This was shown really well through the chapter about Hannah's solo that she fills in on last minute, when the soloist gets hurt halfway through performance.  At first, while Hannah was dancing she was extremely nervous, but as she continued on through the steps, she seemed to embrace the character.  However, even though it seemed as though she was confident in herself with the role, it wasn't until she heard the praise of her friends after the show when she could finally relax.  Even if Hannah wanted to be proud of her movement alone, her friends put her into the mindset that she looked beautiful, and could continue proudly through that role.

Another example of this is when she has to chose between the college student/ guitarist Jacob, and frequent ballet audience member Matt.  Sometimes, friends can be really helpful when it comes to talking through relationships, but there are also times when you don't want to hear what your friends have to say, and follow your own heart.  Even if Hannah wanted to follow her heart, once you hear everyone else's opinions, there's no avoiding them, they are suddenly a part of your thinking process.  Her friends had views on both boys, and even though it should have been a decision coming from Hannah, each thing she heard from her friends had to play a role in her final decision, again showing influence.

Your peers are sometimes vital in decisions you make, but sometimes you may just want to think things through yourself.  This is shown throughout the book Bunhead within the character, Hannah's, life.

Bunheads by Sophie Flack

This week, in continuing the book Bunheads, by Sophie Falck, I noticed that you can always find a new quality within yourself, that can only be brought out through the presence of others.  Through meeting Jacob, and having a relationship with someone outside of her dance school, Hannah discovers that she can have normal conversations, and feel comfortable around bos who are not dancers.  Through the most recent chapter, Hannah was nervous to be alone with him, so she invited him over along with her best friend, and as the night went on, her comfort zone was stretched, and she discovered some wonderful qualities, other than her dancing.  This showed me how, surrounding yourself with different people can be really good for you, and you can learn new things about yourself and your friends through experiencing new things.  Change can be good, and bring out the best in people.

This book, for the first few chapters was showing Hannah's routine, and how she lived her life as a dancer, and little by little throughout the following chapters, changes have been dropped on the reader.  As Hannah's life is changing, her character i developing, and it is showing me that routine can be good, but sometimes, change is necessary.

Bunheads by Sophie Flack

I started the novel, Bunheads by Sophie Flack this weekend and the very first page had me intrigued.  The narration is done by a girl who does ballet, but hates the term "ballerina." This book is something I can relate to already through the very first sentence because, as a dancer, I also hate the stereotype given as perfect and pink.  As Hannah Ward, the main character, describes the life behind the scenes of ballet, I find it even more beautiful than the description of on-stage.  Beat up dance wear is what describes dancers who are dancing for themselves, and for strength rather than for the pleasures of an audience.

The first page is ended with a quote from one of Hannah's ballet teachers and it says, "Throw yourself into your dancing now, because the lifespan of a dancer can be as short as a fruit fly's." This can either be taken to the literal level of the fact that a dancing career lasts only as log as your prime, and can end extremely quickly as you lose your young-tallent, but I prefer looking at this quote in the less literal way.

To me this quote is showing that every class, every show, every second that we are dancing should be lived as your last, because each and every movement of your dancing should tall a story in itself, and show the inner beauty of the person delivering each movement.  Dance is an art, and can tell you more about a person than words, so each dance should be a person, and not a stereotype.  I'm excited to see where Bunheads goes, and how the author will portray this 19 year old ballet dancer's life.

Stranger With My Face by Lois Duncan

This week the main character found out that she was adopted and had a twin sister.  Because of the way the plot unfolded, in that she found out for herself, it shows an underlying message of how important it is to tell the truth.  When Laurie realizes this information, it takes her interests away from the family, because when you keep a secret, there's always a reason you're keeping it.  Laurie uses this against her parents claiming that if they loved her equally as much as her siblings, they wouldn't struggle to tell her that she was adopted, because it wouldn't be something they would need to hide.  When someone finds out the truth without hearing it from you, it take the exact opposite effect of what keeping that secret was intended to do.

Telling the truth is really important because it saves relationships, even if at the time it hurts, it's worth it in the long run.  However, this book not only teaches how valuable the truth is in this section, it also shows that if there is true love present, like between Laurie and her family, it can overcome even the toughest situations.

Stranger With My Face by Lois Duncan

"I felt the way you do when you are moving through a dream and the most impossible things are happening and you are accepting them as normal."

Sometimes things in your life come on as impossible or damagingly ridiculous in the sense that if you believe them, consequence after consequence would follow.  Sometimes these impossible things however, are what keep us living, moving, breathing.  Relating to Laurie, the main character, in this way of problems building up makes it refreshing to read this quote.  If life went on perfectly, normal would be boring, and there would be no trust in the world.  But being able to accept the impossible is how humans, or maybe just I, have learned to live. 

In Laurie's case, her impossible is literally impossible, what with her dead sister coming back into her life, but everyone has their own mini-impossible scenarios that continue to cause this harm, these consequences and problems in our lives. 

This line in this instance was super literal, but for me, it's poetic-ness stood out.  We accept what we want to believe, what we think we deserve.  I want to believe the impossible.